The Worst Cover Ever: The Winnowing
- - July 21st, 2009
We asked for your help coming up with the worst title for the most awesomely bad cover ever, and you responded with over 350 entries! There are some truly inspired offerings that didn’t make the cut, but cut we must, and so without further ado we present, in no particular order, the best of the worst.
- The Thing with the Glass Buttock
- Rise of the Fallen, Book Seven, The Pre-Antepenultimate Battle
- A Stain Upon The Vastness
- Across a Trembling Sea the Cyborg Fairies Dance
- An Old Dragon, A Dead Witch, and a Fat Guy: The Third Book of Stories that Go Nowhere.
Click here to vote for your favorite using our woefully unscientific poll.
So how did we narrow down the incredible range of offerings to just five? Well, first we had both our editorial and marketing teams pore over the list. They chose the titles they thought best exemplified the worst: giving special attention to titles that we thought would make awesome bad covers. Then we collated those and handed them over to our publisher who arbitrarily chose the titles he found funniest. (Our publisher, incidentally, was quite upset that his own suggestion — Fahrenheit 65 — didn’t make the shortlist.)
So, among these five finalists is there a title truly deserving of the worst SFF cover ever? We think so. And you can help us find it.
And incidentally — the word cloud of the submitted titles suggests that the worst title in the universe might include the words “Space”, “Mars”, “Love”, and “Vampires”, although those particular themes did not show up in the finalists. Just goes to show that there’s an art to everything.
July 21st, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Thanks for picking one of mine. Does this mean I win something like a cudgel to the head so as not to continue polluting the collective unconsciousness?
July 21st, 2009 at 9:20 pm
The winner will receive a nice print of the jacket and the eternal pride (or everlasting shame) of knowing that they were capable of dreaming up the worst title in the universe! (plus whatever cool things we have to hand to send)
July 21st, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Based on the word cloud, I’m guessing Tanith Lee’s “Sabella” contains all the elements of the worst novel in the world . . . at least by topic, if not by title. Weirdly, “Sabella” isn’t as bad as you might think, despite liberal doeses of love, vampires, Mars, and space.
July 21st, 2009 at 10:30 pm
I’m… I’m so proud I don’t know what to say! Mr. Hatter, I think we’ve done the world irreperable harm. Gentlemen… to evil! /toast
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:50 pm
well, there’s always ‘Lesbian Vampyres from Outer Space’
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:16 pm
HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS SOONER??!!!!!*
*Please note the exagerrated punctuation.
July 22nd, 2009 at 7:35 pm
A Stain Upon the Vastness! Awesome! I am inspired to give you The Blurb:
Fifty thousand parsecs out from the edge of the dying Galaxy, the last surviving remnants of the human race, devolved back into savagery and ignorant of the origins, float through the vastness on an artificial world. They are monitored from within by the Uppers, the elite few who have access to the vast data banks and artifical intelligence that controls the world. They are safe, self-sufficient, their survival assured.
Until they encounter the mysterious Stain, a being of pure energy that might just be God… or The Devil.
July 24th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
I have a liking for “Across the Trembling Sea…” The cover conjurs up the feeling of one of those awful Harlequin bodice ripper covers, with perhaps borg-like figures in the background, and Hubble images as the backdrop…
July 30th, 2009 at 10:35 am
“A Stain” or “The Trembling Sea”??? I just can’t decide. Where’s a coin when you need to make an important decision?!?!
August 1st, 2009 at 12:59 am
Rise of the Fallen, Book Seven, The Pre-Antepenultimate Battle wins! I can’t wait for book 8! rumours are there’s going to
be another battle!