To celebrate publication of THE CURVE OF THE EARTH ( UK|US|ANZ), Orbit was lucky enough to be treated to a rare interview with one of the post-apocalyptic world’s most brilliant minds: Doctor Samuil Petrovitch.
In part two of this interview, we try to get to the heart of Petrovitch’s relationship with Reconstructionist America, ask him a few more personal questions about the type of music he likes,and find out what projects he’s got on the burner right now.
I want to ask you about your attitude towards Reconstruction.
SP: What did you want to ask that isn’t already a matter of public record?
What is the relationship like between the Freezone and the USA?
SP: Is there one?
I’m asking if there is.
SP: We’re two mutually exclusive ideologies. Reconstruction America is actively seeking to destroy the Freezone, however they can, and I have to assume that at some point it’s going to come down to whether they think they can get away with annihilating us, including Michael. For the Freezone’s part, and I’m not the Freezone’s spokesman on this or anything else, we have absolutely no intention of getting into a shooting match with the Yanks. All our projections show that Reconstruction will collapse within a hundred years, so we’re happy to play the long game. All their base will belong to us. Eventually.
Super-genius cyborg and hero of the Freezone, Samuil Petrovitch, has a fiery temper – one prone to exploding with more potency than the nukes that signaled the apocalypse around the turn of the 21st century. Generally, Petrovitch’s explosions of anger will take the form of curses in his Russian mother tongue (or perhaps explosions of extreme violence, poisoning, putting bombs in people’s chests and stitching them up again… He’s nothing if not inventive).
To help you decode the various insults hurled at all and sundry by Petrovitch in Simon Morden’s new novel THE CURVE OF THE EARTH (UK | US | ANZ), we’ve put together a handy glossary of Russian swearwords with a very British translation so as not to offend any delicate sensibilities…
Ahueyet Samuil Petrovitch usage: Ahueyet! We’ve got some series govno on our hands. Translation: Egad! It appears our metacarpus have become tainted with effluent.
Balvan Samuil Petrovitch usage: The only way I can explain your actions is to assume your father was balvan. Translation: Your poor decision making suggest there was an extreme deficiency in your father’s intelligence quotient.
Chyort voz’mi! Samuil Petrovitch usage:Chyort voz’mi, this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Translation: Curses! I find myself in the most hateful of all possible worlds.
Chyort! Samuil Petrovitch usage: Chyort! How stupid are you? Translation: Dash it all! Your foolishness demands explanation!
Durak Samuil Petrovitch usage: That’s the sort of thing I’d expect to hear from a durak. Translation: Your communication suggests that your skull is a vacant receptacle rather than a protective covering.
Govno Samuil Petrovitch usage: I have had enough of this govno. Translation: No more faeces for me, thank you.
Idi v’zhopu Samuil Petrovitch usage: Seriously, Reconstructionist America can idi v’zhopu Translation: I would recommend that Reconstructionist America remove itself from my presence at once, preferably in a painful manner.
Kalash Samuil Petrovitch usage: Glad I brought my Kalash. Translation: How fortuitous that I have this Russian-made firearm
Kon govno Samuil Petrovitch usage: I’ve had enough of your kon govno. Translation: I doubt the veracity of your explanation, which has the perfume of equestrian faeces.
Past’ zabej Samuil Petrovitch usage: Past’ zajeb, or I’ll blow your knees off Translation: Be quiet, my good sir, or I shall be forced to relieve you of your mobility.
Pizdets Samuil Petrovitch usage: This a whole new category of pizdets Translation: Our situation is beginning to resemble a cluster of effluent.
Pushka Samuil Petrovitch usage: If I had a decent pushka, this wouldn’t be such pizdets Translation: How I yearn for a firearm of significant calibre to relieve the difficulty of my situation!
Yajtza Samuil Petrovitch usage: Your yajtza must be bigger than the moon. Translation: Your gentleman’s treasures appear to be of planetary proportion.
Yebani Samuil Petrovitch usage: Get this yebani tube out of my gullet before I vomit into my lungs. Translation: Kindly remove this fornicating tube from my digestive tract or I fear we will be having a backwards performance of breakfast.
Yobany stos Samuil Petrovitch usage:Yobany stos, is that the only gun you brought? Translation: Ploppers! I had expected you to be more fully prepared for armed combat.
Zhopa Samuil Petrovitch usage: You talk too much, zhopa. Translation: You are surprisingly communicative for an orifice that is not generally used for speaking.
The Philip K. Dick award-winning series, THE PETROVITCH TRILOGY (UK | US) by Simon Morden is about to be released as an ebook omnibus for the first time.
This is ahead of the release of brand new title from Simon called THE CURVE OF THE EARTH (UK | US | ANZ) – also coming in March.
All these novels star Russian émigré and super-genius Samuil Petrovitch, whose incredibly low tolerance for fools and penchant for getting on the wrong side of pretty much everyone makes him the most unlikely hero the world has ever seen.
Or what’s left of the world, anyway.
See, there’s the small issue of the apocalypse. London as we know it has suffered an Armageddon . . . but hey! Life still goes on right?
If you’re entering the Metrozone for the first time, we’ve put together a handy guide to its genesis, and what sort of things you might expect to find there . . . Read the rest of this entry »