We wanted to tell you that we’ve posted the answers to the urban fantasy quiz we created last week to celebrate the new book in Jaye Wells’ Sabina Kane series, SILVER-TONGUED DEVIL, but while writing the blogpost we suffered something of a demonic visitation . . .
We interrupt our usual service for an announcement from Giguhl, the demon/feline sidekick of Sabina Kane, star of the urban fantasy novels by Jaye Wells.
Giguhl, the fifth-level Mischief demon, here. You’ve probably heard of my many accomplishments as the champion of Demon Fight Club and as the coach of the seriously bad-assed Manhattan Marauder roller derby team. But did you know that in my spare time, I am also the official sidekick of an urban fantasy heroine?
Her name is Sabina Kane. She’s half-mage and half-vampire and all sorts of trouble. And without me getting her back and providing color commentary, she’d be totally lost. I get lots of letters from beings who want to follow my hoofsteps into the sidekicking business. They think it’s all glamour and making sweet love to nymphs. Little do they know that it’s actual work. Today I’m going to break down the attributes required of every awesome sidekick . . .
1. A sense of humor. Look, I don’t mean to be judgey, but a lot of urban fantasy protagonists tend to veer between anger and morose nihilism. Things can get dark pretty quickly without a sidekick around to make a well-timed dick joke. It helps if you have no internal censor or qualms about offending delicate sensibilities. In other words, if you can’t look at a corpse and improvise a joke about blue balls, you’re not on your game.
2. Speaking of balls, you need some. Hush, lovely ladies, I’m not being literal. Trust me, I’ve met plenty of UF heroines who make dudes look like fluffy bunnies. Male parts are not required for bravery. Regardless, since you’re going to spend a good portion of your time backing up your hero/ine while they battle Avenger demons and other nasties in dark alleys, you can’t be the sort to tinkle in your panties at the first sign of violence.
3. Flexible morals. Thank the gods I’m a demon and was born without any sort of annoying moral compass. Some of you might not have been so lucky and are burdened with a pesky “conscience.” My advice is to get over that ASAP. Saving the world isn’t pretty. Neither is hiding the bodies of your boss’s enemies. Or 4 a.m. blood and whisky runs. Guilt is for saints, but you, my friend, need to revel in being a sinner. Trust me, misbehaving is way more fun than piety, anyway.
4. No sense of shame. Imagine you’re normally a seven-foot-tall sexy badass of a demon until your heroine decides to experiment with magic. Suddenly you’re spending half your time trapped in the body of a hairless cat. Are you going to let soul-crushing embarrassment get in the way of doing the job? No you are not. Granted, it’s no picnic to have to wear cat sweaters and knit caps, but at least you get to flash your dangly bald bits at unsuspecting bystanders.
5. Sexy dance moves. Okay, this isn’t exactly required for the job, but you never know when you’ll get a chance to partake in the forbidden dance with a hot nymph. Plus, you never know when someone’s going to challenge you and your hero/ine to a dance fight a la Westside Story. You gotta have your jazz hands o’ fury ready!
That’s pretty much it. Your mileage may vary, of course, depending on your handler. Like, say, if your heroine is a werewolf, she might be a real bitch who demands you wax her back around the full moon. If that’s the case, run like hell because next thing you know she’s gonna be demanding you pour hot wax on her undercarriage and no sidekick is paid enough to give a werewolf a Brazilian wax. Trust me on this.
If you have any other questions or, you know, just want to tell me how awesome I am, feel free to drop me a line on the Twitter.