Editor’s note: this letter was found wrapped around a brick thrown through our office window last night. We’ve deciphered the contents (phonetic spelling, crude drawings, demons don’t go to school after all) in the hope of drawing the culprit out into the open. . .
Hello mortals. It’s me again – your favorite demon sex symbol, Giguhl. Orbit asked me to stop in again since my last visit was the most popular post in the history of this blog.*
This time I’m here to celebrate the release of BLUE-BLOODED VAMP, which is the epic conclusion to the series about my boss, Sabina Kane. A lot of people are talking about this book because they’re really worried about what’s going to happen to me now. I won’t lie, facing an eternity where I am not the star of an urban fantasy series is a bleak prospect. I’ve become so used to the groupies and piles of money. **
Luckily, in addition to being a role model for the youth of America, I am also an entrepreneur. Witness my resume, which includes being the champion of Demon Fight Club and managing a roller derby team. I am never one to sit idle, I have decided upon a new career now that my days as the savior of humanity are done.
I’m going to be an author.
I just blew your mind, right?
Look, I’ve been watching Jaye Wells do this gig for like five years now. From what I can tell all it involves is eating a lot of carbs, tapping away on a keyboard, cussing at the screen, punching the delete button and then drinking wine directly from the bottle. Easy peasy.
My first story will be an erotic coming of age tale about a changeling faery, who leaves home to find sexy adventure in the mortal realm with a billionaire CEO who likes silk neckties. It’s partially a memoir about my friend Pussy Willow combined with a little creative license I’ve gleaned from watching the Spice channel. I’m going to call it 50 SHADES OF FAE.***
Anyway, I’m still working on it all, but I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be a bestseller right away. Jaye tells me I’m deluded and that I should stick to be a sidekick. I think she’s just jealous of my good looks, brilliant marketing mind and impressive modesty.
While I wait for every editor on earth to fight over the privilege of paying me eight-figures for my opus, you should probably go ahead and read BLUE-BLOODED VAMP. Tell Jaye I sent you so she’ll put a good word in with those incredibly good looking and witty editors at Orbit.
*I’m probably lying about this.
**What? I totally have groupies. Mortal ladies are suckers for a bad boy. The money I am totally lying about. But who needs money when you’re up to your pitchfork in adoring ladies?
***Don’t even try to steal that title, mortals. I mean it!